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Comedy


[Comedy] brain bleach

Man's greatest invention, brain bleach removes bad memories and general DO NOT WANT moments. Every household should have a few gallons.

1: Dude, I just walked in on my parents.
2: Have some Brain Bleach!

Published:8/4/2020 2:38:58 AM
[Comedy] Amazheimer's

Condition which causes you to place an Amazon order, then shortly after remember something else you needed and place another order.

Wow, 10 Amazon boxes showed up on my door today. My Amazheimer's must be acting up again.

Person 1: Bro, your Amazheimer's is getting out of control.
Person 2: It's OK, I have Prime.

Published:8/3/2020 8:12:30 AM
[Comedy] When Laurie Kilmartin’s mom was dying of covid-19, she turned tragedy into comedy. It’s what she always does. The comedian and "Conan" writer wrote a book about her dad's death, and is performing standup about her mom's. She jokes so that others will take the coronavirus seriously. Published:8/3/2020 8:12:30 AM
[Comedy] @perfectsweeties working at an italian restaurant when i put a pizza in the oven. the dough begins expanding. it fills the entire oven. then the kitchen and beyond. it wont stop. pepperonis become star systems. cheese stretches into asteroid belts. the birth of a new universe. the big bada bang Published:8/2/2020 12:58:04 PM
[Comedy] Simp

Someone who does way too much for a person they like

Brian shu the simp: I bought her a car and a whole ass house and we not even dating!
Nathan the pimp: U a simp.

Published:8/2/2020 12:58:03 PM
[Comedy] hits different

to listen or experience something that conveys a different emotion or feeling than when previously experienced. this new feeling is typically significantly worse or better after new information is discovered.

i love michael jackson, but this song hits different now that he’s a pedophile lmao.

Published:8/1/2020 2:27:41 AM
[Comedy] Cornteen

Internet slang for “quarantine”, originating from the many times people misspelled that word on social media during the COVID-19 or coronavirus crisis. Often used in posts expressing boredom or frustration related to self-quarantine or 'social distancing' measures.

Sometimes also (mis)spelled ‘corn teen’, ‘corn and teen’, ‘corn in teen’ or ‘corn of teen’.

“Wow, They Making Us Self Cornteen”
“I may not be making babies during this corn teen but by god I’m thinkin about it”
“I’ve been drunk almost everyday of corn and teen”
“Really regret not getting my eyebrows done before corn of teen”
“What y’all doing for the corn in teen?”

Published:7/31/2020 2:55:43 AM
[Comedy] Reclaiming my time

When people are on your time but wasting it!

Maxine: Are you familiar with the May 23rd letter that I sent
Munchkin: Thank you for having me here, you're such a beautifu-
Maxine: RECLAIMING MY TIME. -- Answer the question, hoe.

Published:7/30/2020 6:29:04 AM
[Comedy] I hope she sees this bro

Phrase to use when a man's been simping. When a man, usually unattractive, publicly tweets at, or otherwise contacts, a girl who is usually out of their league with excessive compliments and/or the offering of money, you hit them with this. Anyone who received this phrase should automatically lose your respect. Stay away.

Tweet from @SoylentIsAwesome:
@pokimanelol
You're amazing, stunning. I want to give you money. What's your cashapp?
Tweet from @ChadBenja:
@SoylentIsAwesome
I hope she sees this bro.

Published:7/29/2020 3:06:33 AM
[Comedy] I hope she sees this bro

A statement made by men on social media to address another man who they perceive to be "sucking up" to women. It's assumed by men who use this statement that the man in question isn't being truthful about what he's saying, rather he's just trying to appease women/a woman.

Men who use this statement are oftentimes considered to be incels, primarily by women.

Josh: I don't care about the physical appearance of a woman. I don't care about the size of her breasts or butt. I want a woman who has a kind heart and will be the proud mother of my children. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. No woman is truly ugly. Every woman is beautiful in her own way.

Sam: I hope she sees this bro

======================================

John: Women shouldn't have to worry about the clothes they wear when they go outside. It's not their fault that men can't contain their perverted desires.

Fred: I hope she sees this

Published:7/29/2020 2:37:56 AM
[Comedy] smoking gas

Smoking loud marijuana. like 110 Octane

" Paul Shawn is always smoking gas!"

Published:7/28/2020 9:06:59 AM
[Comedy] @portmanteauface Welcome to adulthood, if you sleep on the wrong pillow you’ll feel like you got in a motorcycle accident for three days Published:7/25/2020 2:13:30 AM
[Comedy] 864511320

Vote out Trump
86 means to cancel something
45 - Trump
11320 - Election Day November 3, 2020

I’m so sick of this president. I need a bumper sticker saying 864511320

Published:7/24/2020 2:09:02 AM
[Comedy] Comic-Con is virtual for the first time, and anyone can attend for free. Here’s what to expect. A scaled-down San Diego Comic-Con@Home will be a Zoom-happy event starting Wednesday, featuring Charlize Theron and Guillermo del Toro. Published:7/22/2020 12:55:45 PM
[Comedy] @heyjaredhey Alcohol companies are like “please enjoy responsibly” ok I will drink alone in my room with my SIM card taken out Published:7/22/2020 10:03:10 AM
[Comedy] Karen

Middle aged woman, typically blonde, makes solutions to others' problems an inconvenience to her although she isn't even remotely affected.

Karen sues the local city council after they installed a new STOP sign that hides the sun from her window for two minutes a day. The sign was installed after a school boy on his bicycle was hit by a speeding driver and died.

Karen refuses to wear a face mask for her 5 minute trip to the supermarket during a pandemic. She harasses the workers, asks to see the manager and threatens to sue.

Karen complains that her favorite parking spot was replaced by a ramp for wheel chairs. She parks her car in the old spot anyway and shoots a vlog about it.

Published:7/21/2020 2:12:06 AM
[Comedy] @notskanky trying to relate to boys that play video games like hey babe how was pretending to brutally murder people today? did you *checks notes* call the duty? Published:7/18/2020 3:53:52 PM
[Comedy] ‘The Old Guard’ on Netflix is a comic-book movie playing by a new set of rules Netflix's “The Old Guard” has two black women as director and star, Gina Prince-Bythewood and Kiki Layne — a one-of-a-kind duo in the comic-book movie genre. Published:7/15/2020 10:07:57 AM
[Comedy] Gender Euphoria

The feeling a trans person gets when he/she/they are able to start presenting as the gender they identify as and people start treating them accordingly

When they used my proper pronouns, my gender dysphoria became gender euphoria

Published:7/15/2020 2:32:13 AM
[Comedy] onosecond

The horrible moment when you realise that you have accidentally done something very slightly wrong which has very bad (usually embarassing) implications for you. This is typically the moment of realisation that you just sent a dirty text message to a close member of family, typically your mother, rather than the intended recipient.

Message: "i'm free this afternoon so come over and fuck me senseless, my parents will be out all day"
Recipient: Mum
Message Sent
- Onosecond occurs here -

Published:7/12/2020 2:10:58 AM
[Comedy] Maskhole

selfish idiots in my neighborhood who think that they don't need to wear a mask because the rest of us do

A maskhole jogged right past me in the park today

Published:7/11/2020 2:09:53 AM
[Comedy] @samttaggart The best way to solve Covid is to turn it into some sort of game where the state with the lowest cases each week gets a pizza party or some shit. This unfortunately would work really well. Published:7/7/2020 3:11:16 PM
[Comedy] Rest in power

Phrase meaning that a deceased cannot rest in peace until society changes due to the circumstances of a death.

People said rest in power for the unarmed man had been shot by the police.

Published:7/6/2020 2:00:43 AM
[Comedy] @eff_yeah_steph I accidentally took my birth control pill twice yesterday and when I woke up this morning, one of my kids was gone. Published:7/5/2020 3:51:03 AM
[Comedy] @mostlysharks finding nemo came out in 2003 and clownfish only live 3-5 years so good morning nemo is dead Published:7/5/2020 3:21:00 AM
[Comedy] Fun dialogue and good voice-over work doesn’t add up to enough in ‘Neversong’ "Neversong" lacks the punch to make it more than the sum of its parts. Published:7/2/2020 6:12:14 PM
[Comedy] @cartercartilage no my tattoos do not have any meaning i am simply a child putting permanent stickers all over myself<3 stop asking pls Published:6/30/2020 9:51:15 AM
[Comedy] TrUmPINg

Selling the soul of America to Russia

POTUS45 was trumping again when he took no action against Putin's bounty on American soldiers.

Published:6/30/2020 2:54:47 AM
[Comedy] double texting

sending two texts in a row without a reply inbetween.

Rachel: whats up?
Tessa: not to much! hbu?
Tessa: dude, i'm so bored.
Rachel: stop double texting me.

Published:6/30/2020 2:16:12 AM
[Comedy] @spacexluv i wish i was a little kid so i could take a long nap and everyone just be proud of me Published:6/29/2020 2:40:36 AM
[Comedy] Smize

To smize is smiling with your eyes.

Tyra Banks taught the models how to smize on America's Next Top MOdel.

Published:6/29/2020 2:12:34 AM
[Comedy] Himbo

Generally, a large (broad, tall, or buff) attractive man, who tends to be not very bright, but usually extremely nice and respectful. Think Kronk from The Emperors New Groove, or maybe a golden retriever.

That guy is totally a himbo, he’s super nice but maybe don’t try to have a deep philosophical conversation with him.

Published:6/27/2020 2:28:14 AM
[Comedy] @NSLCpunk My conspiracy theory is that time travel IS real & someone keeps trying to fix 2020 by changing something but every time they do, they unwittingly make it worse. How else do you explain the sudden disappearance of murder hornets? They saved us from those but at what cost?!?! Published:6/26/2020 6:40:43 AM
[Comedy] wallet biopsy

When a paramedic goes through ones wallet while they are in an ambulance. Usually the paramedic will take just insurance information.

The paramedic knew which hospital to bring me to by a wallet biopsy on me.

Published:6/26/2020 6:40:43 AM
[Comedy] ‘Little Orpheus’: A cheeky homage to the golden age of science fiction “Little Orpheus” caters to a longing for childlike, wide-eyed wonder. Published:6/26/2020 6:40:43 AM
[Comedy] @lifeofbryony If you cut off the string and tag from a teabag and stick it just inside a coffee mug, so it dangles over the outside and looks like there's tea in there, you can fill the mug with gin and avoid judgement from your family. Published:6/24/2020 10:10:55 AM
[Comedy] Bunker bitch

Where Trump gets his diaper changed after soiling it.

Our president heard fireworks and shouting outside, so he bravely retreated to his bunker after defecting all over the Oval Office, the ol’ bunker bitch!

Published:6/24/2020 2:39:05 AM
[Comedy] One small paper has stopped running political cartoons after a controversy. What if others follow? How some small papers handle cartoons is spotlighted amid series of controversies and apologies. Published:6/23/2020 10:35:57 AM
[Comedy] Christian Cooper hopes America can change. Because he’s not going to. Years before sparking a conversation about race and stereotypes, Cooper pushed for inclusion while working for Marvel Comics. Published:6/23/2020 5:00:44 AM
[Comedy] BHAZ

Black House Autonomous Zone. The area around Lafayette Square, Washington D.C. It is in reference to Seattle, Washington’s Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone CHAZ.

The CNN crew was ejected, without explanation, from the BHAZ across from the White House.

Published:6/23/2020 2:31:30 AM
[Comedy] @Scaachi i don’t have any hobbies but i do like reading customer reviews of indian cookbooks where white people complain about the dishes being too spicy Published:6/22/2020 8:58:10 AM
[Comedy] Drop gun

throwdown

An unregistered firearm carried by policemen to "drop" at the scene where a pursued suspect has been shot; used to justify shooting/killing a possibly unarmed suspect.

Witnesses found a pistol lying on the ground near the fleeing criminal's body, but nobody except the pursuing policeman knew it was a only drop gun, not the criminal's weapon.

Published:6/22/2020 2:23:24 AM
[Comedy] Hindsight is 2020

Refers to a realization and clarity on how we humans live on our planet that occurred internationally during the covid-19 pandemic

A play on or modification of the previous phrase 'hindsight is 20/20,' referring to clear vision.

Guy in 2030: It's crazy how once we used to sit in traffic, burning fossil fuels for hours per day.. and how when you'd buy something, it would be wrapped in layers and layers of plastic.
Girl in 2030: Well things all changed during the global covid-19 pandemic. People re-assessed how our whole world was operating. They say hindsight is 2020.

Published:6/21/2020 2:17:43 AM
[Comedy] Corona Party

Similar to a pox party, adults expose themselves to people who have contracted Coronavirus (COVID-19) disease in the misguided hope that they will have recovered from it before hospitals have been over-run with people and treatment isn't possible.

Anyone game for a corona party? BYOB!

Published:6/20/2020 2:10:06 AM
[Comedy] Juneteenth

In the US, slavery was officially abolished with the 1863 Emancipation Proclamation. No one bothered to tell all the slaves in Texas until June 19, 1865, a day commonly celebrated as "Juneteenth."

Every Juneteenth we're reminded just how mean people could be.

Published:6/19/2020 10:41:10 PM
[Comedy] @deertearss “what’s your dream job?” I simply do not dream of labor Published:6/18/2020 1:26:13 PM
[Comedy] milkshake cop

A cop who portrays themself as a victim of anti-cop bias but in reality made the story up for sympathy & attention bc they are a loser LARPing as a tough guy.

My aunt sent me the news story about the cop whose coffee cup was labeled “Pig” at Starbucks so I had to tell her he was a Milkshake Cop who was trying to get a trans barista fired.

Published:6/18/2020 1:26:12 PM
[Comedy] ‘Maneater’: A light, summer snack of a game “Maneater” is an environmentally-conscious, open-world game that puts players in control of a female bull shark whose task is to grow larger and more powerful by consuming as much as possible. Published:6/18/2020 1:26:12 PM
[Comedy] Generational Privilege

a phenomenon that occurs when you have an unbroken chain of ancestors going back several generations, who have never experienced oppression, that prevents you from acknowledging the possibility that oppression may still exist for other social groups besides your own.

Karen doesn't understand why "all lives matter" misses the point, because of her generational privilege.

Published:6/17/2020 2:17:57 AM
[Comedy] maskadaisical

Slacking off on wearing a mask in public places to prevent contracting coronavirus.

Dude, we have to go back to the house. I forgot my mask and I can't get into Costco without it.

Man, you are becoming maskadaisical!

Published:6/16/2020 2:19:21 AM
[Comedy] Somehow, 25 years later, ‘Batman Forever’ still works. You just have to know where to look. Was the third time a charm for Batman at the movies? Published:6/15/2020 5:44:36 PM
[Comedy] @KimmyMonte accidentally vacuumed up my air guitar again. Published:6/15/2020 3:42:09 AM
[Comedy] This New Yorker cover portrait of George Floyd is a powerful ‘heartbreaker’ Kadir Nelson's illustration "Say Their Names," for the New Yorker, represents the violence against African Americans across the centuries. Published:6/15/2020 3:42:08 AM
[Comedy] Covid Speakeasy

An unlawful gathering spot to drink & socialize during the Covid crisis.

We are heading to the ice rink to party on Saturday.....that place is a regular Covid Speakeasy.

Published:6/15/2020 3:42:08 AM
[Comedy] Published:6/13/2020 10:29:27 AM
[Comedy] Breonna Taylor

Breonna Taylor was a 26-year-old black woman who was an EMT before being brutally murdered by 4 plain clothes policemen who forced entry into her house under a "no-knock" warrant after midnight. The police were looking for a suspect that had been arrested earlier in the day and had accidentally come into the wrong house. Breonna Taylor was completely innocent of wrongdoing and murdered with no accountability.

Breonna Taylor's death was an example of police brutality and she deserves justice now.

Published:6/13/2020 2:24:39 AM
[Comedy] taz

temporary autonomous zone, from Hakim Bey's TAZ: Broadsheets of Ontological Anarchism. Opposite of a PAZ which is a permanent autonomous zone. Any temporary liberated space (ie, a squat, a street for a party, a phonebooth for a prank/art sabotage

The women made a circle of yurts in the field and assigned armed guards to the perimeter so that their TAZ might be a safe place for the hellraising weekend to follow.

Published:6/12/2020 7:24:43 AM
[Comedy] ‘The Last of Us Part II’: One of the best video games ever made “The Last of Us Part II” is a demonstration of how a video game can marry heart-stopping gameplay, gorgeous environmental storytelling and anxiety-inducing moral complexity. Published:6/12/2020 7:24:42 AM
[Comedy] Cop Kisser

Someone who is extremely nice to a Police Officer even when the Police Officer is being a jerk...

That Dude is a Cop KIsser he thanked the Officer for giving him a ticket for Jay Walking at 3AM on a Sunday...

Published:6/11/2020 11:56:40 AM
[Comedy] George Floyd’s death has inspired powerful protest art: ‘I needed to have another way of seeing him’ From street murals to George Floyd portrait projects, artists rise to the social moment. Published:6/11/2020 11:56:40 AM
[Comedy] @KingBraize Sept 11th, I’m wearing a shirt that says “All Buildings Matter” Published:6/10/2020 6:38:32 PM
[Comedy] doomscrolling

Obsessively reading social media posts about how utterly fucked we are.

I've got to stop doomscrolling about covid-19, it's making me depressed.

Published:6/10/2020 2:34:09 AM
[Comedy] bothsidesism

When a person tries to make you believe that both sides are equally responsible for something even though one is really, clearly, at fault.

Trump's bothsidesism about the alt-right and alt-left is ridiculous.

Published:6/9/2020 2:26:02 AM
[Comedy] teargaslighting

The act of tear gassing peaceful protestors with OC gas and then trying to gaslight your way out of it by saying that it was just a gas that causes tears, not tear gas.

Trump's teargaslighting the nation better backfire on him

Published:6/8/2020 6:19:47 AM
[Comedy] authoritarian

In a political context - In favor of large, intrusive government that violates or suppresses individual rights; characterized by a "law and order" approach; failing to support civil liberties and/or economic freedom in society; undemocratic

In a non-political context - Bossy, controlling, domineering

People with authoritarian views, agendas, or personalities rarely describe themselves as authoritarian, but can often be spotted when they try to rationalize some government control as being necessary "for national security", "for public safety", "for the children", or "for your own good".

The longer Senator Bullwrap stayed in office, the more authoritarian he became.

Published:6/7/2020 11:05:15 AM
[Comedy] I can't breathe

True of COVID-19 sufferers and of George Floyd. The key phrase at this moment in American history.

"I can't breathe, said Floyd as he was being suffocated. "I can't breathe" thought more than 100,000 victims as they were dying of Covid. "I can't breathe" chanted countless Americans in the streets, protesting enduring police brutality.

Published:6/6/2020 2:32:46 AM
[Comedy] copaganda

portraying police in a positive or helpful light, when in reality they are the violent fascist tools of an authoritarian military state

“That show is all copaganda. No such thing as a good cop.”

Published:6/5/2020 2:25:52 AM
[Comedy] @Fred_Delicious soup was invented in 1927 by John Soup when he wanted to drink a chicken Published:6/4/2020 4:21:31 AM
[Comedy] @local__celeb if im going on a date i think regardless of gender, the other person should pay. this is rooted in the fact that i don’t want to pay Published:6/4/2020 3:49:32 AM
[Comedy] FDT

Fuck Donald Trump

FDT he's the most ignorant racist person ever

Published:6/4/2020 2:18:41 AM
[Comedy] OK Bootlicker

This is what you say to someone when they talk about how much they love police

Bootlicker: OMG! Don't say fuck the police, police put their lives on the line every day!
Normal Person: OK Bootlicker

Published:6/3/2020 2:21:53 AM
[Comedy] 1312

1312 means "All Cops Are Bastards". The numbers represent the alphabetical letters ACAB.

1312 is often found on t-shirts.

Published:6/2/2020 2:07:28 AM
[Comedy] Riot

The thing you start when you feel so angry, so ripped off, so stepped on.

Greece in it's current state, is full of riots

Published:6/1/2020 2:51:53 AM
[Comedy] F.T.P.

F.T.P. is the acronym for the term "Fuck Tha Police" which was actually coin in the year 1988 by the late, great, American rap artist...Mr. Eazy-E! (RIP)

Fuck Tha Police or F.T.P. is a song by rap group NWA that was written in 1988! "In the case of NWA vs. The Police Department.....Fuck Tha Police!"

Published:5/31/2020 2:21:54 AM
[Comedy] acab

all cops are bastards. this trend has started in a attempt for people to see how unfair the black community is treated in the eyes of the law.

R.I.P trayvon #acab

Published:5/30/2020 2:16:55 AM
[Comedy] @ben_rosen zoom needs a button that plays wrap it up music like at the oscars Published:5/29/2020 9:12:08 AM
[Comedy] Don’t let ‘Justice League’ fool you — Henry Cavill is still the best Superman option out there Cavill is reportedly in talks to return as Superman. Published:5/29/2020 9:12:08 AM
[Comedy] Fuck 12

Fuck 12 really just means fuck the police.

Daquan - Dude don't spray paint the bridge! You're gonna get arrested again!
Mikel- Man, Fuck 12.

Published:5/29/2020 2:08:51 AM
[Comedy] 12

The Police. Any law enforcement agent. See also "PO-PO" and "ONE-TIME."

Shouting "TWELVE" when the cops are spotted approaching the scene of some illegal activity.

Published:5/28/2020 3:02:25 AM
[Comedy] Cartoons are skewering Trump’s golfing against the backdrop of covid-19 deaths Some cartoonists mashed up Trump and Sunday's New York Times front page. Published:5/27/2020 11:14:27 AM
[Comedy] bout’ to get western

Often used to in a way to say oh shits about to go down but for mainly country people.

You will often say it when or if cattle gets lose so you would use the term bout’ to get western to explain shits getting crazy.

Or you could also use it if you at a nascar race and a car flips you would say it’s bout’ to get western

Bubba just got kicked at the gate and now the cattle are shits bout’ to get western

Published:5/27/2020 2:10:40 AM
[Comedy] @lawrenrae_ Bugs have so much outside, why are they so pressed to come inside?? Published:5/26/2020 10:35:34 AM
[Comedy] @jonnysun if your dog is over 8 years old (56 in dog years) then your dog is a boomer, sorry Published:5/24/2020 4:54:17 AM
[Comedy] You can get it

Is the phrase used mainly in south florida to describe the sexual appeal of a person, "you can get it" is meant in the sense that the person (who can get it) is sexually appealing enough to the person making the statement, that at any point in time, the person can get "it" meaning sex.

"Hey wussup Maria?"

"Hey Dre, whats up?"
"I just thought I'd let you know.....YOU CAN GET IT!!!!!"
;)

Published:5/24/2020 2:22:35 AM
[Comedy] ok den what

An accurate way to respond to anything... must be said in a low pitched voice

“Shit dude somebody just robbed my house”
“Ok den what”

Published:5/23/2020 2:14:57 AM
[Comedy] Doomer

A lack of faith in humanity, or people in general.

Giving up on all humans, or groups of people, for perceived slights or injustices committed by a few.

Lacking confidence in the future of humans because of an event, directly affecting their life or not, despite any positive response that happened.

Note: This is not limited to any particular political group, affiliation or generation.

Doomer: I just lost faith in humanity because someone hit a child walking down the street and just drove off. Nevermind the dozen people that stopped to check on them, and that called the police while doing everything they could to help the person in need. That one human who hit them makes everyone bad in my eyes.

Normal people: Ok doomer.

Published:5/21/2020 2:29:08 AM
[Comedy] @shutupmikeginn Just took an online IQ test and my score starts with an 7 but I have to pay $100 to see the second digit. Time to find out if I’m a genius! Published:5/20/2020 3:57:02 AM
[Comedy] @floozyesq you're telling me a random house published this book? Published:5/20/2020 3:22:57 AM
[Comedy] nerd-snipe

To provide a problem so interesting and difficult that the target is compelled to cease whatever they are doing (eating, reading, walking) in order to think about it.

Most effective on math professors, science majors, and similar.

Term coined by Randall Munroe, author of the webcomic XKCD.

"I started thinking about the effective resistance of an infinite network of resistors, but then I realized I had self-nerd-sniped."

"My friend totally nerd-sniped me! He suggested this problem and next thing I knew I was late to class!"

Published:5/20/2020 2:22:54 AM
[Comedy] ‘Arcade Spirits’: The video game equivalent of a beach read “Arcade Spirits” will elicit some warm fuzzies for those who carry fond memories of basking in the backlit glow of arcade machines. Published:5/19/2020 11:23:09 AM
[Comedy] Boomer holes

When you move into a house previously owned by a boomer, and the floors have holes for cable TV wires, the wall has a phone jack for a landline, etc.

We should get some posters and paintings to cover up all these boomer holes.

Published:5/19/2020 2:22:22 AM
[Comedy] @AlanaMassey Woke up to the memory of a time in college when a very proper, VERY English friend was trying to recall the name of a character in a children’s show. “The green one, you know?Disagreeable, quite shouty? Lives in the rubbish.” She meant Oscar the Grouch. Published:5/18/2020 6:09:58 AM
[Comedy] Gabagool

A spicy Italian sausage. Tony wants it but can't have it.

Tony: Who ate all the gabagool?
Wife: No more gabagool for you, the doctor said it's bad for you.
Tony: I don't give a f...!!!

Published:5/18/2020 6:09:57 AM
[Comedy] Shift F7

A phrase to use when you lack an adjective in your conversation.
Derived from the shortcut key for the thesaurus in a microsoft word document.

person 1: and thats what temporal summation is...
person 2: ok i get the meaning but put it into context its just so..... shift F7

The book itself was an anecdotal account of the trials and tribulations of the dpression. Harsh, Oblique, Shift F7 and somewhat beautiful in its portrayal.

Published:5/15/2020 2:16:50 AM
[Comedy] paypig

In the realm of BDSM, a paypig is a submissive, almost always male, who has consented to financial servitude towards his Mistress. Term used in a derogatory/humiliating light, usually by Mistresses.

My paypig bought me a $500 pair of heels today after I demanded him to.

Published:5/14/2020 2:16:14 AM
[Comedy] @meganamram I used 6,000 N95 masks to spell out "THANK U HEROES!!!!!" on the beach then lit them on fire so nurses all over the world could see ?? Published:5/13/2020 7:34:58 AM
[Comedy] Foodie call

A person who goes out on dates with the sole purpose of getting a free dinner.

I'm going out with Julie tonight.
It's a foodie call, dude, she's got a boyfriend.

Published:5/13/2020 4:35:11 AM
[Comedy] ‘Streets of Rage 4’: Polished, old-school, beat-‘em-up action “Streets of Rage 4” is the video game equivalent of comfort food. Published:5/12/2020 9:21:12 AM
[Comedy] fielding season

The opposite of cuffing season.
From late May to early September during which people like to keep it cool and play the field.

What happened to your boyfriend?
Bitchhhh it's fielding season!!
YASSSSSS QUEENNNNN!!!

Published:5/12/2020 9:21:12 AM
[Comedy] coask

A.k.a. "co-ask". It's a frequent word on Chinese forums, which is usually used individually to express that one's question is the same as the former questioner's.

- What's the meaning of "niubility"?
- Coask.

Published:5/11/2020 2:27:37 AM
[Comedy] thirstposting

Posting on social media simply to get likes and reacts.

Bitches be thirstposting.

Published:5/10/2020 6:47:52 PM
[Comedy] hydt

How You Do That

" lil mama How You Do That ? " ~ OHNO - HYDT'

Published:5/9/2020 12:45:07 PM
[Comedy] @HonestToddler If you have three kids that’s four people you have to keep hydrated that’s crazy Published:5/8/2020 11:30:53 AM
[Comedy] Schrodingers asshole

A person who decides whether or not they're full of shit by the reactions of those around them.

"That guy who posted ____ but said he was just trolling when no one agreed with him is totally a Schrodingers Asshole"

Published:5/8/2020 2:28:38 AM
[Comedy] ball and socket

A ball and socket occurs when one bro goes in for the fist and the reciprocating bro acts as if he is gona bump too, but instead grabs the bros fist and shakes in a pivoting motion making for an awkward moment. Thus the ball and socket has been created.

Bro 1: Fuck yea! (Goes for the fist bump)

Bro 2: (secretly going in for the bro move with alterior motives, and grabs the fist and shakes)

Bro 1: awe shit man the ol' Ball and Socket!

Published:5/7/2020 2:24:11 AM
[Comedy] @PleaseBeGneiss Pineapples went way hard. Knives on top. Shark teeth around the sides. Once you get inside you think you’ve won until the juice starts eating your fuckin tongue. Absolutely metal. Published:5/6/2020 5:20:48 AM
[Comedy] cowboyitis

/'kou?boi'id?s/

Noun

An intentional lack of regard for danger or negative consequences to strategically help yourself. Using cowboyitis is a cunning tactic to provide self gain.

Sales Work Environment:

Client is avoiding purchase a product

James (sales rep): Why is it you do not want to buy this product?

Clay (customer): Cuz' man, this is expensive

James (now irritated after working with this client for 30 mins): Look man, this is the best of the best and there is no other place you can get this product. You either purchase it today or walk away and feel unsatisfied every time you look at women.

Clay (shocked but not offended): Ok you have a point, I'm not going to wait to make this purchase anymore. Ring me up

James completes the order and walks to Melissa, his sales manager.

Melissa: Give me a high five James, Great Job. That was pure Cowboyitis! Did not know you had that quality.

Published:5/6/2020 2:23:54 AM
[Comedy] We’d like to see the artwork you’re creating during the coronavirus crisis Submit your visual art here. We'll publish some of the submissions. Published:5/5/2020 10:46:37 PM
[Comedy] How ‘The Clone Wars’ turned Ahsoka Tano into a legendary Star Wars character "Star Wars: The Clone Wars" is coming to an end on Disney Plus, but voice actress Ashley Eckstein helped assure that Ahsoka will live on. Published:5/5/2020 3:31:16 AM
[Comedy] on the tether

On house arrest, usually with a tracking device around one's ankle. Like a horse tethered to a post; you can't go anywhere.

Nah, man, you gotta come over to chill. You know they got me on the tether n' shit!

Published:5/5/2020 3:31:16 AM
[Comedy] dead cat bounce

Investor slang; a brief recovery in the price of a falling stock. Term is derived from the idea that "even a dead cat will bounce if it falls from a great height."

I tried to buy GX on the dead cat bounce but got burned.

Published:5/3/2020 2:25:32 AM
[Comedy] @ameliaelizalde just got dumped and my roommate is trying to make me feel better by playing cards with me but she just keeps winning and whispering “sorry” Published:5/2/2020 10:55:20 AM
[Comedy] downshifters

People who had a good professional job and (usually) a house which had significantly increased in value - but then they realised that by selling the house and moving to another (usually rural, far cheaper) area of the country, they could 'downshift' their lives and yet still have a small fortune in the bank + less stress, less work, more time with the family, more money.

See also: downshifting.

I know a couple who downshifted from their £2.1m house in London. She was in teaching, he was an accountant. Now they run a great little art gallery during the summer in the wilds of the Derbyshire Peak District, and just make art and teach their kids for most of the year."

Published:5/2/2020 2:18:54 AM
[Comedy] ‘Paper Beast’: A truly great PlayStation VR game Don’t be surprised to see the visionary "Paper Beast" on the year’s best list. Published:5/1/2020 12:46:05 PM
[Comedy] New normal

The current state of being after some dramatic change has transpired. What replaces the expected, usual, typical state after an event occurs. The new normal encourages one to deal with current situations rather than lamenting what could have been.

Housing costs plummeting is the new normal.

Having less discretionary income after the stock market crash is the new normal.
She expected to be saddened by his departure and accepted her feelings as the new normal.
Spending less on entertainment is the new normal during economic downturns.
Now that the baby was born, having less free time was the new normal for the new parents.

Published:5/1/2020 2:14:56 AM
[Comedy] shineboxing

1. The act of insulting someone via a reference to an embarrassing event in their past. The term was popularized by a scene in "Goodfellas" in which Billy Batts admonishes Tommy DeVito for his subservient childhood job by exclaiming "go home and get your f**kin shinebox."
2. Attacking someone for previous shameful actions, giving the impression said acts are indelible.

Mike opted to avoid attending his high school reunion, knowing they'd remember his loss of bladder control in gym class and be shineboxing him all night.

Published:4/30/2020 2:37:22 AM
[Comedy] @nedwards PRIEST: it do be like that sometimes CONGREGATION: like that sometimes it be Published:4/29/2020 10:02:48 AM
[Comedy] Cuomosexual

In love with competent, reassuring governance by a leader who uses complete sentences and displays common sense during a pandemic.

After watching today's New York State pandemic news conference, I officially identify as a cuomosexual. (
h/t Randy Rainbow)

Published:4/29/2020 2:06:20 AM
[Comedy] @jillboard [every recipe] This dish is SUPER EASY to make! - 1,000 spices you don’t own - 2 quarts. u know what a quart is? - you’ve never heard of this item in your life. google it bitch. - cookware even your parents don’t have - no not that kind of flour - good luck finding eggs - eggs Published:4/28/2020 8:28:57 AM
[Comedy] national drop fake friends day

A day on April 28th, where you tell all your fake friends you don't want to be friends with them, because, their fake.

"Hey Marcus, It's national drop fake friends day so be gone thot"

Published:4/28/2020 8:28:57 AM
[Comedy] Maskhole

Assholes who don’t wear masks publicly during the Coronavirus/COVID 19 Pandemic. Especially common in NYC and usually of a certain perceived privaledge and political party(GOP).

That fucking MASKHOLE rolled up behind us like a Stealth Bomber as we were getting off the ferry on 34th street. Running and coughing, spreading that Rona all over the back of our necks. Not a mask or bandana in sight!

Published:4/27/2020 1:16:27 PM
[Comedy] ‘The Clone Wars’ proves yet again that Darth Maul is the most tragic Star Wars character Darth Maul could have saved the galaxy in 'Star Wars: The Clone Wars," and lived on in the movies. Neither happened. Published:4/27/2020 1:16:27 PM
[Comedy] nah bitch

What you say to someone when you agitated and they say something stupid.

Homie: Bruh let's go down to the club and get some booty for the night

You: I ain't feelin it cuz

Homie: Nigga You never feelin anything c'mon

You: Nah bitch

Published:4/26/2020 2:13:44 AM
[Comedy] take several seats

When someone is doin' too much (or trying to hard) and just need to sit down somewhere and be quiet because they sound stupid.

Becky: *puts relaxer in her hair*
Becky: *is now bald*
Becky: I just wanted my hair to be straight
...Take several seats

Published:4/25/2020 2:44:04 AM
[Comedy] @donni Things will be fine, eventually, in thousands of years, for rocks Published:4/24/2020 7:31:40 AM
[Comedy] /s

Indicates the presence of sarcasm.

Man, I wish George Bush could take another 4 years, especially after his work on torture- who'd have thought such a fair and moral decision could have been made?

/s

Published:4/24/2020 2:30:02 AM
[Comedy] ‘The Incredibles’ director Brad Bird picks what to watch in isolation Here's how the new Turner Classic Movies "Essentials" guest — the man behind "The Incredibles" and "Ratatouille" — has been influenced by Hitchcock, '50s sci-fi and James Bond. Published:4/23/2020 5:32:50 AM
[Comedy] Half Sender

Someone who does not commit to a full send for the boys and are generally pussies when it comes to some savage shit.

Don't trust that nigga eddy, he's a fucking half sender.

Published:4/23/2020 2:24:49 AM
[Comedy] @VeryFineHat Hey sharks I won’t take up too much of your time, my idea is baby carrots that aren’t soaking wet Published:4/22/2020 1:00:07 PM
[Comedy] Covid-38

A person who has been unlucky enough to contract the covid-19 virus twice.

Dude 1. I feel like shit. This is the second time I've contracted the coronavirus.

Dude 2. I feel for you bro. It's tough being a covid-38.

Published:4/22/2020 1:00:07 PM
[Comedy] doffing

Taking off clothes, equipment, etc.

Practice donning and doffing your equipment.

Published:4/21/2020 5:39:45 PM
[Comedy] coronabrain

Basically when you lose your shit because of coronavirus induced panic and can't maintain a sense of focus due to constantly overwhelming circumstances.

Tony can't remember shit these days with covid-19 and all, he forgets what he's doing in the middle of the task, they say he got a coronabrain.

Published:4/20/2020 12:38:32 PM
[Comedy] Newspaper comics hardly ever feature black women as artists. But two new voices have arrived. Steenz and Bianca Xunise have entered a field that has long overlooked the voices of African American women. Published:4/20/2020 12:38:32 PM
[Comedy] im baby

being soft, adorable, sweet, and small; generally having a kind and soft nature

“im baby”

Published:4/19/2020 2:28:36 AM
[Comedy] @jnthnwll told a group of teens that when I was their age we had to pay 10 cents per text message and now they think I’m a liar Published:4/18/2020 9:49:10 AM
[Comedy] deck chairs

Aimlessly and hopelessly attempting to achieve a goal that is already lost.

Derives meaning from the phrase, "rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic."

"Mike is clearly going to fail his Criminal Law final. His studying is nothing but deck chairs."

Published:4/18/2020 2:15:14 AM
[Comedy] ETTD

Everything Trump Touches Dies

Bannon is next to join the ETTD team

Published:4/17/2020 2:12:02 AM
[Comedy] fiddle while rome burns

To enjoy minor unimportant things while ignoring the crisis happening right now

Trump dancing to Sinatra while people rioted was like Nero playing a fiddle while rome burns.

Published:4/16/2020 2:34:11 AM
[Comedy] Unchartered

Commonly misused in place of the word "uncharted" meaning unknown or unfamiliar. Thought to be derived from the idea that chartered vehicles only travel on known paths.

With this girl, everything below the waist was unchartered territory

Published:4/15/2020 2:25:48 AM
[Comedy] vibe check

A process by which a group or individual obtains a subjective assessment of the mental and emotional state of another person, place or thing. Not anchored in or limited to science, psychology or sociology. Grounded in a belief in pachouli, sage, or karma and sometimes veggie burgers.

Kyle dropped by the veggie drum jam to perform a vibe check. After application of fine high mountain sage, the vibes improved drastically. the evening commenced in a very mellow direction.

Published:4/14/2020 2:20:56 AM
[Comedy] @karencheee People say committees don’t work but that’s bc they haven’t seen a group of women gather to help one person draft & send a risky text Published:4/13/2020 8:46:32 AM
[Comedy] National Kiss Your Homies Day

On the day of April 13th, it is customary to kiss your homies to show them you love them.

You: Ay fam, it’s National Kiss Your Homies Day.
Your Homie: Say less.
*You and your homie kiss to celebrate*

Published:4/13/2020 2:14:44 AM
[Comedy] blerg

Most commonly used in the same context as "oh, damn". Used to express frustration, anxiety, depression, etc. Ocasionally the second syllable is prolonged to demonstrate any emotion in an extreme fashion.

As an exclamation on it's own: Instead of "I can't believe I'm so stupid!", just use "Blerg!"

Published:4/12/2020 11:43:24 AM
[Comedy] g pack

Slang term denoting 50 half gram vials of cut heroin, worth $1000 wholesale, or ~$20 each depending on purity and market demands.

When Cutty left prison, Barksdale lured him back in the drug game with a "g pack" instead of money as a welcome home present.

Published:4/11/2020 4:26:09 PM
[Comedy] ‘Girl With a Purell Earring’: How artists are tweaking famous paintings for our coronavirus era Artists are creating social-distancing versions of Vermeer, da Vinci, Michelangelo and more. Published:4/11/2020 4:26:09 PM
[Comedy] @father imagine getting away wit a murder 20 yrs ago then some asshole drops a doc on netflix bringin it back up Published:4/10/2020 8:01:30 AM
[Comedy] slam-clicker

People who upon checking into a hotel with others remain in their rooms instead of socializing. Used by airline crew to describe those who don't go out.

Slam - as in closing the door
Click - as in locking it immediately

also see: Olymic Flames

Flight attendant: "We arrived in London and were ready to party, unfortunately many in our crew were 'slam-clickers' and we never saw them."

Published:4/10/2020 2:28:42 AM
[Comedy] big z pack

1000 xanax bars commonly used in central arkansas for phone conversations

hey buddy can i get a big z pack

Published:4/9/2020 2:19:59 AM
[Comedy] @mela_shea Yogurt (yoghurt, yogourt, yoghourt) is the Megan (Meghan, Meagan, Meaghan) of fermented milks. Published:4/8/2020 5:16:34 AM
[Comedy] BLUF

An acronym for "Bottom Line Up Front" that is frequently used in informal military correspondence and internal/informal corporate e-mails to cover the main points of an e-mail so the reader can quickly understand what the e-mail is saying before reading the whole, lengthy e-mail.

RE:urbandictionary.com

Team,

BLUF:UrbanDictionary.com is a great resource for employees to look up slang expressions customers use

(Paragraph 1-Point #1 on why urbandictionary.com is so awesome)

(Paragraph 2-Point #2 on why urbandictionary.com is so awesome)

(Paragraph 3-Point #3 on why urbandictionary.com is so awesome)

Very Respectfully,
Management

Published:4/8/2020 2:19:06 AM
[Comedy] Audiothelioma

Cancer caused by the noise generated by windmills. This aggressive form of cancer was recently discovered by Dr. Donald J Trump. Symptoms include: Orange skin, thin hair, small hands, a fear of brown people and small inclines.

I tell ya what all this time spent out on the prairie, it's only a matter of time before I develop Audiothelioma. Hopefully Dr. Trump's research will end in a cure.

Published:4/7/2020 2:13:16 AM
[Comedy] hydroxy moron

One who preaches the miracle nature of hydroxychloroquine sulfate that has nothing to do with the business degree they hold or the virus they're trying to cure.

Donald Trump, the proud holder of a store-bought degree in business from Wharton School of Business, waded in to the COVIC-19 discussion by suggesting hydroxychloroquine sulfate might be a miracle intervention with absolutely no foundation, making him, in medical vernacular, earning the title "hydroxy moron".

Published:4/6/2020 2:04:15 AM
[Comedy] chonk

that which is fat or large, in a way that is majestic

"You have been visited by the chonk. He will bring good fortune."

Published:4/5/2020 2:29:02 AM
[Comedy] Social distancing zombies

In order to maintain a safe distance from others, people were conditioned to raise their arms in front of them. When everyone shuffled around with their arms raised in front of them, the advised level of social distancing was maintained. In lockdown, only a few social distancing zombies were out and about.

I took my handkerchief out to blow my nose and the social distancing zombies scattered.

Published:4/4/2020 2:22:47 AM
[Comedy] ‘Half-Life: Alyx’: The most exhilarating VR adventure game to date "Half Life: Alyx" will transport you to an incredibly vivid science fiction world. Published:4/3/2020 10:17:55 AM
[Comedy] @PhilanthropyGal The longer your happy anniversary caption is the worse I know things are going. Published:4/3/2020 3:44:27 AM
[Comedy] antisocial nearing

The opposite of social distancing.

In a pandemic when people ignore the advice of social distancing and instead engage in antisocial nearing activities like shaking hands, hugging, and spending time in large crowds.

That coughing, sniffling, lunatic went in for a full-on antisocial nearing hug when the CDC says we should be practicing social distancing.

The President of the United States for weeks encouraged antisocial-nearing, telling everyone not to worry because the pandemic was under control and might just disappear.

Published:4/3/2020 2:13:46 AM
[Comedy] Economic Stockholm Syndrome

The behavior and attitudes exhibited by victims of financial subjugation, causing then to identify with and even defend their oppressors.

Q: Hey, what's up with Matt? His Dad is on social security, his mom got laid off, his sister's kids get free school lunches, he collects federal financial aid for college, and he only makes minimum wage working at Walmarts. Yet he keeps talking about how we need to cut taxes for the wealthy and quit spending so much on social programs.
A: Yeah, he thinks he's going to be a millionaire soon. He's got Economic Stockholm Syndrome.

Published:4/2/2020 2:07:59 AM
[Comedy] @ginnyhogan_ My new sexual fantasy is a second person Published:4/1/2020 7:33:27 AM
[Comedy] late capitalism

The advanced stage of unmanaged capitalism in which corporations and the wealthy, having run out of quick and easy paths to profit and economic growth, begin cannibalizing the societies in which they operate instead of investing in them.

Features: Declining wages for workers, privatization of government, dismantling of social services, sale of cultural & national heritage, debtor's prisons, corporate invasion of people's personal lives, and punishment (and ultimately enslavement) of the poor.

A: Did you hear that Zuckerberg is tearing down the national park to build his new fortified megamansion?
B: Yeah dude, wanna go to the Pepsi™-sponsored protest against it later?
A: Truly, late capitalism is the best system to live under.

A: Did you know that boomers can now spend $8,000 to get transfusions of children's blood so they live longer?
B: Haha, late capitalism strikes again!

Published:4/1/2020 2:05:05 AM
[Comedy] Physical Distancing

Formerly known as social distancing. The act of connecting, caring, communicating, and socializing with others while keeping space between bodies and following the World Health Organization (WHO) guidelines for good health during the worldwide COVID-19 pandemic.

No, dude. I’m not gonna shake your hand, I’m practicing physical distancing. Please take a step back and give me a call later.

The term Physical Distancing was suggested by therapist and author Jennifer Hamady, in an article for Psychology Today on March 19, 2020. The World Health Organization then shifted to using the phrase physical distancing rather than social distancing.

Published:3/31/2020 2:38:03 AM
[Comedy] The New Yorker cover and political cartoons are saluting coronavirus responders as heroes Mike Luckovich's popular Iwo Jima cartoon is also celebrating those on the front lines of the fight against covid-19. Published:3/30/2020 2:53:34 PM
[Comedy] Coronalingus

Sex during the Coronavirus time of social distancing.

My fiancé and I are practicing social distancing by ordering take-out and engaging in coronalingus.

Published:3/30/2020 2:22:08 AM
[Comedy] Grim Milestone

A phrase commonly used by in the mainstream media to denote the quantity of an undesirable occurance reaching a multiple of ten.

Casualties in Iraq have reached a grim milestone - 10/100/1000 in the 10/100/1000 days since the overthrow of Saddam.

Published:3/29/2020 2:13:40 AM
[Comedy] MAGAts

Donald Trump loyalists

MAGAts will defend their hero Trump regardless of the damage it does to American democracy .

Published:3/28/2020 2:07:47 AM
[Comedy] @Kendragarden One thing I’ve learned so far in quarantine is that my husband refuses to microwave anything for 45 seconds, he always does 44. When I asked him why, he said, “For Obama.” Published:3/27/2020 7:13:04 PM
[Comedy] upperwear

Upperwear is the wardrobe you create when you work on line or on TV and are only 'seen' from the waist up.

During video calls and meetings she wore professional looking Upperwear, such as blazers with pearls, while at the same wearing jogging pants.

Published:3/27/2020 12:34:35 PM
[Comedy] ‘Steven Universe’ creator says farewell, knowing her show made young LGBTQ viewers feel seen Rebecca Sugar's hit series "Steven Universe" changed the Cartoon Network's policy on same-sex marriage in kids' shows. Published:3/27/2020 12:34:35 PM
[Comedy] Prepper

A person who is prepared, or striving to be prepared for incident, natural disaster, etc

A person actively preparing or being prepared for situations that may affect the stability of home, life, or financial situation.

Also known as survivalists, doomsday preppers (derogatory)

Jim and his wife have canned a lot of food this summer. They will be prepared this winter!

Carrie is a good prepper. She has a 72 hour bag for each of her family members.

Published:3/26/2020 5:18:23 PM
[Comedy] Say I won't

Verbally challenging back to your friends to give you added courage to do something that may be stupid or out of the norm.

Jim - "Man, you are not going to ask that fatty to dance are you?"

Bob - "Say I won't!"

Published:3/25/2020 2:20:22 AM
[Comedy] Stonks

A meme used to describe a retarded economic decision. It is commonly followed with a picture of Meme man standing behind a picture of a stock market with the caption "stonks".

Me: Trades 100 wood for 1 emerald

My friend: Stonks

Published:3/24/2020 2:13:28 AM
[Comedy] ’Doom Eternal’ is crushingly hard and blisteringly engaging “Doom Eternal” is a challenging, engaging shooter that caters to one’s predatorial impulses. It will keep you on your toes. Published:3/23/2020 10:09:16 AM
[Comedy] Covidiot

Relating to the 2020 Covid-19 virus:
Someone who ignores the warnings regarding public health or safety.
A person who hoards goods, denying them from their neighbors.

Did you see that covidiot with 300 rolls of toilet paper in his basket?
That covidiot is hugging everyone she sees.

Published:3/23/2020 2:39:38 AM
[Comedy] @chrissyteigen [scattered applause] is the saddest closed captioning on a comedy special Published:3/22/2020 9:32:25 AM
[Comedy] @AndrewChamings accidentally opened my eyes during prayer at church and saw jesus doing the worm Published:3/22/2020 9:02:35 AM
[Comedy] Coronic

A person who has contracted coronavirus.

Is Karen coming in today? Unfortunately not - she's coronic, I think she got coroned last week on the way to work.

Published:3/22/2020 2:32:19 AM
[Comedy] Hand Sanitizer

The most expensive thing during the corona virus

Damn that hand sanitizer is expensive

Published:3/21/2020 2:25:12 AM
[Comedy] @felicityward Hangman is a lovely childhood game where you slowly draw a man killing himself if another kid can’t read your mind. Published:3/20/2020 10:50:56 AM
[Comedy] Cockwomble

A completely useless person that spouts constant bullshit

That Andrew is such a Cockwomble

Published:3/20/2020 2:18:41 AM
[Comedy] the rona

the correct term for the Coronavirus

dangggg alyssa just got diagnosed with the rona

Published:3/19/2020 2:12:15 AM
[Comedy] How the world’s political artists are depicting the covid-19 pandemic Symbolism, face masks and the Grim Reaper abound. Published:3/18/2020 7:10:07 AM
[Comedy] coronacopia

The growing volume of people and places that can give you the corona virus. Handshakes, desk surfaces, door handles, sneezes...

On the way home from {work} today I had to avoid a whole coronacopia of disease... does my forehead feel warm to you?

Published:3/18/2020 2:14:10 AM
[Comedy] Beer bug

Corona virus, a disease originating in China which shares the same name as a shitty Mexican beer.

Chad caught the beer bug so has to self-isolate for 14 days at home.

Published:3/17/2020 2:08:42 AM
[Comedy] @MavenofHonor A hundred years ago instead of reading this you would’ve been lying in a feather bed hoping no one discovers the hillside where you pick wild strawberries Published:3/16/2020 8:55:58 AM
[Comedy] coronaphobia

The fear of catching the current strain (COVID-19 in March 2020) of human coronavirus, expressed by wearing a face mask in public, or simply avoiding public places, public events and public transport.

Wow, we've lost half the audience to the show tonight due to coronaphobia

Published:3/16/2020 2:25:15 AM
[Comedy] Down in the Trumps

The feeling of depression and sense of impending doom that sweeps through a person when they think about how Donald Trump is fucking up the world.

Nick has been Down in the Trumps ever since he watched that documentary about Donald Trump on TV.

Published:3/15/2020 2:17:35 AM
[Comedy] Maralagovirus

A common name for COVID-19 or CoronaVirus

Did you hear Jeremy died from Maralagovirus?

Don’t touch me, you’re going to give me Maralago!!!

Ma’am, you’ve tested positive for COVID-19, or Maralagovirus. You have 10 minutes to live.

Published:3/14/2020 2:10:46 AM
[Comedy] @rzrbldee thinking bout how in like 50 years there’s gonna be a generation of little old ladies with ‘goth slut’ or something tattooed on their knees Published:3/13/2020 4:06:14 AM
[Comedy] Trump Flu

The name of the fully contracted illness brought on by coronavirus COVID-19. Since the disease is most deadly to the old, fat, and unwell the current president easily fits into the vulnerable demographic. As the same time, his vainglorious incompetence is largely responsible for the rapid increase of COVID-19 infections and cases of Trump Flu. Also known as Boomer Flu.

"I just got back from a seniors' cruise, and I feel horrible. I think I may have caught Trump Flu!"

Published:3/13/2020 2:37:11 AM
[Comedy] ‘Bloodshot’ works, if only for the cinematic universe it has the potential to create Vin Diesel stars as Bloodshot as Valiant Comics finally makes it to the big screen. Published:3/12/2020 11:00:22 AM
[Comedy] @indyfromspace You can’t call it “pandemic” unless it’s from the Pandemic region of France, otherwise it’s just Sparkling Flu Published:3/12/2020 3:29:32 AM
[Comedy] coronapocalypse

End of the world via corona virus

The coronapocalypse will end all of us.

Published:3/12/2020 2:58:16 AM
[Comedy] @markydoodoo The Macarena was just a tutorial on how to fold a sweater. Published:3/11/2020 10:27:05 AM
[Comedy] elbump

noun - A bumping of the elbows of two bros. A superior alternative to high-fives and fist bumps, especially when one bro's hands are full.

Steve: Rob!
Rob: Hey bro.
Steve: Elbump?
Rob: Elbump!
Steve: Awesomeness!

Published:3/11/2020 4:24:20 AM
[Comedy] you so fluke

being whack, full of shit, fake

you so fluke man.

Published:3/10/2020 2:16:12 AM
[Comedy] folx

An alternate spelling of the noun "folks," first used in 2001 and popularized by tumblr in 2016. Mainstream and academic use is growing after adoption of the term by LGBTQ+ people, especially LGBTQ+ persons of color.

Use of the "X" emphasizes the existence of binary gender systems (especially in indigenous communities) and suggests support of and solidarity with people who are oppressed and/or marginalized.

Increasing protection for the most vulnerable folx in our society increases protection for us all.

Published:3/9/2020 2:16:32 AM
[Comedy] Awkward Turkey

The result when one person tries to give another a high-5, but the other person tries to give a fist bump. Once these two hand gestures meet, they form a turkey at a really awkward moment.

person 1: "Dude, we just made an awkward turkey!"
person 2: "Well, this is awkward."

Published:3/8/2020 5:07:08 AM
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