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[Comedy] @OllyiConic It is disgusting that auto-flush toilets cannot tell the difference between a person who is peeing and a person who is crouching down to take a sip of water. Published:6/10/2021 1:08:26 AM
[Comedy] ‘Loki’ is a dark and tricky delight that continues Marvel’s success at Disney Plus Loki, the original "Avengers" bad guy, now has his own streaming series. Published:6/8/2021 11:23:12 AM
[Comedy] @mommajessiec I forgot to pick up a bag of salad at the grocery store so I had to improvise and throw $5 in the garbage. Published:6/6/2021 12:46:19 PM
[Comedy] @pjayevans I hope my dog never finds out I am made of bones Published:6/3/2021 1:15:22 AM
[Comedy] @GayLaVie I regret getting the vaccine. I am now having too much fun and spending too much money. Published:6/3/2021 12:42:58 AM
[Comedy] @davenewworld_2 Imagine if you and your family needed something, but without it you might all die and they tie it to employment, so I decide to be the middleman and you pay me, then I use my profits to lobby politicians to make it harder for you to get this thing. This is American healthcare. Published:6/2/2021 12:09:41 PM
[Comedy] Three ‘lost’ Charles Schulz strips have been rediscovered. Do they show the adult Lucy Van Pelt? The art was rediscovered and purchased at auction — and depicts the "Peanuts" creator's take on office humor. Published:5/31/2021 5:22:17 AM
[Comedy] @SydneyBattle i’m not going to treat every elderly person like they’re wise. some of them are dumb and many of them are insane Published:5/29/2021 8:48:28 AM
[Comedy] @drivingmemadi oh don’t worry im fully vaccinated im just coughing uncontrollably because i choked on my own saliva Published:5/25/2021 7:39:59 AM
[Comedy] @roryreckons I love how 95% of the solutions for preventing anxiety are "work less and don't be poor" when you really look at it. Published:5/22/2021 7:18:39 AM
[Comedy] @roxiqt If you're a millennial currently upset that younger generations don't think you're cool, one of the perks of being over 25 is that you don't actually need to worry about being cool anymore. You need to worry about paying rent & finding sleep positions that don't cause neck pain. Published:5/22/2021 6:48:33 AM
[Comedy] @dietz_meredith why does no one tell you that when you pick out a pair of athletic shorts from tj maxx at fourteen yrs old, you are in fact making a decision that will last longer than any of your adult relationships Published:5/20/2021 3:33:38 AM
[Comedy] Voteflake

Anyone who protests the results of the 2020 US Presidential Election without any proof or evidence and refuses to recognize Joe Biden as the 46th President of the United States of America.

After over 50 cases brought before, and thrown out of, US courts, including the Supreme Court, hundreds of Trump supporters, claiming to be a million supporters, continued to cry and protest and chant outside the White House, like a bunch of voteflakes.

Published:5/14/2021 10:22:36 AM
[Comedy] @KeiLunMusic i have faced more peer pressure to drink oat milk than to do drugs Published:5/14/2021 7:33:54 AM
[Comedy] @voraciousbrain once when I was catastrophically depressed, I put my dirty dishes out in the rain (??????) and discovered the next day that all of my silverware had been stolen by an enormous raccoon who does not fear me Published:5/14/2021 5:21:09 AM
[Comedy] @VeryBadLlama learning French has really encouraged me to live in the moment because I currently cannot conjugate any other verb tense Published:5/11/2021 10:33:58 AM
[Comedy] @mom_tho intermittent fasting? i just slept 7 hours without a snack what more do you want from me? Published:5/8/2021 11:38:26 AM
[Comedy] @caitiedelaney Obsessed with my nonsensical perception of time. If I have a meeting at 10am and I have to feed my dog and make coffee before it I’m like “better set my alarm for 5am” Published:5/7/2021 2:33:50 AM
[Comedy] @mrbenjaminlaw On the upside it’s Friday; on the downside the work week has left you an absolute husk of a human, withered and useless Published:5/2/2021 6:01:04 AM
[Comedy] Superhero veteran Carl Lumbly returns for a crucial role in ‘Falcon and the Winter Soldier’ The actor plays Isaiah Bradley, whose conversation with Sam Wilson (Anthony Mackie) is one of the show's most powerful moments. Published:4/29/2021 5:05:21 AM
[Comedy] @PallaviGunalan men call women weak and then give the worst massages Published:4/28/2021 2:30:49 PM
[Comedy] ‘Lost Words: Beyond the Page’ combines video game and storybook magic for young audiences Being a child might be required to fully appreciate "Lost Words: Beyond the Page's" wide-eyed story, but its beautiful design and fine animation can be admired by all ages. Published:4/26/2021 12:02:29 PM
[Comedy] @CaucasianJames i know walt disney is sweating in his grave watching a yellow sponge slowly replace mickey mouse as the most iconic cartoon figure Published:4/25/2021 5:23:49 AM
[Comedy] ‘A kaleidoscope of raw emotions’: How artists are responding to the Derek Chauvin verdict While drawing on deadline, artists illuminated their feelings after the landmark Minneapolis case. Published:4/21/2021 10:02:31 AM
[Comedy] @aedison every time i drink milk i remember my roommate who used to put powdered milk in his milk so he could drink "more milk per milk" Published:4/18/2021 10:43:33 AM
[Comedy] @drivingmemadi microdosing a healthy lifestyle by eating a baby carrot every 6 months Published:4/16/2021 11:32:45 AM
[Comedy] ’Genesis Noir’: A stunning game about love, murder, joy and the Big Bang If a crime writer, a cosmologist and a mythologist collaborated on a video game, the result might be “Genesis Noir,” the most conceptually audacious game to hit digital storefronts in many moons. Published:4/12/2021 7:23:16 AM
[Comedy] Published:4/9/2021 12:30:55 PM
[Comedy] @wtflanksteak Once people get vaccinated and we start mingling again, don't ask me "how are you?" or "what's new?" We're only doing deep and weird conversation starters from now on. "Hi! You look great! Drinks are on the patio. What's holding you back from being the person you want to be?" Published:4/9/2021 10:19:04 AM
[Comedy] How cartoonists are portraying the battle over Georgia’s new voting law The new legislation has prompted Major League Baseball to move its All-Star Game. Published:4/9/2021 10:19:04 AM
[Comedy] @ronnui_ Got the vaccine and I can't stop connecting to my phone's bluetooth Published:4/8/2021 5:18:16 AM
[Comedy] She was the ‘secret’ Wonder Woman writer in the 1940s. Here’s how she finally got her due at 94. Joye Murchison Kelly got hired by the Wonder Woman studio at 19. She was rediscovered in recent years, before she died Monday at age 97. Published:4/8/2021 5:18:16 AM
[Comedy] @teehee_sarah living with roommates is fun because you get to learn what their parents think should be refrigerated Published:4/7/2021 4:18:21 AM
[Comedy] @Gbemideyforyou i admire how when babies dont want to hold something anymore they just drop it Published:4/2/2021 11:14:16 AM
[Comedy] @mollypriddy can’t wait to put “fully vaccinated” on my dating profiles like an adoptable dog Published:3/31/2021 9:30:15 AM
[Comedy] @Maechez1 I have no more passwords left in me Published:3/29/2021 7:20:12 AM
[Comedy] @Trisarahjtops Imagining serif fonts taking off their little hats and shoes when they get home from work Published:3/24/2021 11:13:01 AM
[Comedy] ‘Zack Snyder’s Justice League’: The six most significant changes from the original Cyborg, Darkseid, Superman's black suit and more. Published:3/22/2021 10:57:48 AM
[Comedy] @estxev I’ve tested positive for needing a fucking vacation Published:3/19/2021 5:08:35 AM
[Comedy] @nameshiv For years I struggled to recreate my grandmother's recipes till I discovered that "tablespoon" in her recipe book didn't actually mean tablespoon but referred to this random goddamn spoon she had in her kitchen & all the other measurements in there had similar logic Published:3/17/2021 7:25:22 AM
[Comedy] @bfishbfish I completely understand why the Spanish Flu was rarely if ever mentioned in 1920s literature and art. I do not want to watch any TV shows/movies or read a single novel about this fucking time. Published:3/17/2021 6:40:02 AM
[Comedy] @DontWorryBoutB I see why grandmas used to cook dinner at 3pm & sit down the rest of the day. Published:3/12/2021 2:53:23 PM
[Comedy] @kate_mckean When I sign an email “Yours” it’s not a term of endearment— it means this email is now yours I’m done with it get it away from me. Published:3/11/2021 1:08:33 AM
[Comedy] Dan Rather on the Texas recovery — and how America can come together At 89, the longtime CBS newsman is a first-time graphic novelist, with his new adaptation of "What Unites Us: Reflections on Patriotism." Published:3/9/2021 5:39:07 AM
[Comedy] @BriannaNHolt I spoke on a diversity panel via Zoom and specifically told my boyfriend not to sign up and he commented “Amazing point Brianna!!!” in the chat every time I spoke Published:3/5/2021 7:10:33 PM
[Comedy] @LegacyRussell have you ever tried to copy and paste text from a PDF it’s like scraping plastic off a frying pan Published:3/3/2021 7:07:39 PM
[Comedy] Keanu Reeves on the joy of writing his first comic book: ‘Why not? That sounds amazing!’ The Internet's favorite "immortal" movie star introduces an immortal warrior in "BRZRKR." Published:3/3/2021 7:07:38 PM
[Comedy] @KazzJenkins I was born a female. I identify as a female. But according to Tesco's sticky toffee pudding I'm a family of four. Published:2/26/2021 8:35:53 AM
[Comedy] @kevinseccia Not saying my attention span is shot but there was a 26 second clip of never before seen footage from the surface of another planet and at the 10 second mark I was like “I think I get it” and just swiped it away. Published:2/24/2021 4:52:06 AM
[Comedy] @monomaniiia animes be named like “Pink Confetti Cake Surprise” and then it’s psychological horror Published:2/24/2021 2:53:45 AM
[Comedy] @jamiewithorne My middle school teacher who yelled that “Wikipedia wasn’t a reliable source” every day is sharing vaccine conspiracy theories on Facebook. Published:2/19/2021 10:16:21 AM
[Comedy] @dodgonkulator why do they still even make porn it's been done to death. "ohh what's gonna happen in this one" take a wild fucking guess. idiot Published:2/18/2021 2:53:50 AM
[Comedy] @MelissatheDuffy I hate that teeth require so much specific care, the rest of my bones are so low maintenance Published:2/10/2021 1:16:46 PM
[Comedy] @50FirstTates asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. asked them the same thing until i got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my trainwreck of a life Published:2/6/2021 9:18:22 AM
[Comedy] @Toolie__xo Funerals are expensiveeeeeee. Please put me in an airfryer when it’s my time. Published:2/2/2021 1:48:14 AM
[Comedy] @Dansplainer the sopranos is so cool i wish italians were real Published:1/30/2021 4:00:56 AM
[Comedy] @randypaint i feel bad for boomers. their parents taught them rules like “wearing a hat at the dinner table is rude” and they were too stupid to be like what that makes no fucking sense at all Published:1/27/2021 5:46:26 AM
[Comedy] @TweetXan_ Dropped a girl home after arguing and when she got out I was patiently waiting for the car door to SLAM. The slam never came, she just left the door wide open, I had to get out and close it myself like a taxi man Published:1/27/2021 3:09:26 AM
[Comedy] @MaryElMcCoy My kid thought that “swearing in” meant Joe Biden was going to stand at a podium on Wednesday and reel off all the curse words he knows. He’s understandably a little disappointed now. Published:1/24/2021 11:51:29 AM
[Comedy] @michaelianblack In the last year, I've eaten in a restaurant fewer times than the president has been impeached. Published:1/20/2021 6:58:29 AM
[Comedy] @abbygov I took out $15,000 of student loans and since I graduate last May I repaid $2,000 and now I am so glad to share that I only have $15,633 left to pay Published:1/17/2021 1:32:45 PM
[Comedy] @Bisserat I don’t know who needs to hear this but throw away that box your iPhone came in. You don’t need it. You will never need it. Published:1/15/2021 10:45:39 PM
[Comedy] ‘Call of the Sea’: Strictly for hardcore puzzlers “Call of the Sea'' will be welcomed by those who enjoy a challenging puzzle game with a matinee feel of familiarity and extravagance. For those of us with less patience, there are other ways to spend our time. Published:1/15/2021 10:45:38 PM
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